Since 2005 I was in Great Depression. When I took the master of Godfather of ARR’s (Varalaaru) soundtrack, in 2006, I wished for his blessing. He said, you no need my blessing, “if you are honest, genuine and hardworking, you will successful”.
I believe it and did my business honestly, genuine and of course hard work extremely. It is my real nature since beginning. (It’s up to you to believe so). But I went through hard time, fall, stand, fight, and at one point of time I gave up all my believes even in God. I started to believe we cannot success in business if we are honest.
My experiences in the entertainment industry, made me believe that only those with criminal mind, dishonest and unethical can be popular in industry and successful. Some even gained praise equally as God. I lost in that darkness surrrounded by me and never found light to went back to my real self.
Some said I became insane and adviced me to take medication. I tired and failed. Tried nicotine, alcohol, drugs and went deeper and deeper into dark path; hate path. I felt drugs made me sane at those hard time.
I was disappointed and confused whether God really exist. If so why he should let me went through this painful life and gave financial success, popularity and gifted genius mind to those who are fake and in false believes.
When I took my first master of Maestro Ilaiyaraaja’s Ramanar Gana Ratham from Ramanashram. The only prayer was “whatever happened, “wherever” I go, keep me be same as who am I now”. It’s came spontaneously. I never prepared for proper prayer. I never knew about Ramanar and Thiruvannamalai at that time. I strongly believe I will be successful, so I don’t know what to pray or wish.
Dr. Shanmugasiva told me when I started my music business that money and success can change anyone. That was came in my mind when I was in Ramanashram. So I prayed “don’t change my nature and let me be as who am I now; honest and genuine; even not wished for financial support although I seek help from many relatives’ and friends’ financial support (loan) to start the business.
I never thought will I be the same if I fall. So I think God testing me by failure not by success as I hoped. However I became depressed, sick, disconnected myself from all who love me, the hurts, humiliation, debts and many other outer factors, kept forcing me to darkest side of me.
But something keep telling me “Choose love path; not hate”. It is also one of AR Rahman’s quote. He told it when he received Oscars.
He also told in an interview after the Oscars that “After A Great Depresion, Great Thing Will Happen For Sure”
Only few knows what I went through when he won the Oscar. My part is nothing at all in that. But many throw hates on me because I knew him and I released his Godfather (Varalaaru). I took it as comedy. The doubts raised because of my international music industry connection. But I played no role in his Oscars.
He deserved it. It is God’s wish. I am no one. Why I should been victim in this? It’s may really sound funny but that’s the truth. However I dont know how to choose Love path while I’m surrounded by hate paths in all directions.
In 1st January 2016, I sent sms to AR Rahman without any business intentions and without any expectations, without any requests. The only reason for the SMS is I was in very deep depression and detached from everyone and everything. I was transforming more more into arrogant, hate and immorally activities. The only voice keep sounding in my mind is “Choose Love Path”. And I have no one at my side except some good friends of course, but their presences are not there, So I sent him message, without second thought. The main reason is I don’t know whether love path is exists and it will lead us to painless life.
The content of my sms to him is said somehow I still stay strong because you told to choose Love path.
Millions maybe billions sent him whises for happy new year. One of them his me, but not wish, I shared my pain. I received reply from him in a simple line but it changed my path and believes.
“Test make us stronger and fit for greater things” with 🙂 smiley – AR Rahman.
I never shared his sms in Facebook, Twitter or to anyone. It might looks like I’m seeking publicity. He took initiative to reply me and comfort me. I felt this quote specially made for me, to ease my pain, to give me hope once again. I’m not someone yet. Further, medias portraited me in very negative way and destroyed my company’s reputation. I never responded to anything, because somehow deeper inside, something keep forcing me to love path, through some music fans and friends, and most importantly AR Rahman’s Sufism Music.
I received the SMS 5.07am Malaysian time; I woke up when my phone sound. The first message in early morning from the one of the greatest music legend; Motivated me, gave me once again a hope and in few minutes thereafter I heard Azhan from near by Mosque. I believe God has no name, form or religion. So Even though I’m not a Muslim but I believe God keep holding my hand and guiding me through the Azhan. I heard it coincidently everytime when I’m depressed. So his SMS and Azhan, make me believe that the Almigty always with me and guiding me.
Once received the SMS and thereafter the Azhan, made me more energized.
I immediately wrote some important resolutions for 2016, thereafter. However this time I prayed and wished God to help me solve all my problems and difficulties.
However, I confused what is Love Path, and even I confused what the real definition of Love. But I been active again, hired staff for my office and started my work again after 3 months of break. All happened because of a single SMS. I felt he not sending me just SMS but blessing and prayer too.
There after I started to meet my artists, working on Mohd Aslam upcoming (debut solo album of him). For first time I worked on mixing, which I always thought it is the most hard job in music production.
Yet, it was difficult for me to choose Love path. Hate, anger and revenge was conquered my heart.
Thereafter, I got an appointment from Amir Syawal, a Muslim friend who defined what is real meaning of Love and he told me only God can be our greatest Lover, not human. Once again coincidently I heard Azhan when I left his Studio.
Actually, I met Amir to collect raw files of my next release of Rajhula’s debut album. Rajhula. It was again not pre planned meeting as his father was admitted in hospital due to heart problem. (Now his father is fine and discharged).
The meeting with him made me seek more deeper into God. He diverted me; made me focus more into me In search of the Greatest Lover.
The next day I spent time with my 10 years old daughter in playground, she shared with me lot of her doubts about why bad people exist. “If God created everyone, why he created bad people too?” Good question and I have to answer for her. So i refer to Maha Bharath which I read first when I was 17th years old age.
So I started share the story of Maha Bharath, a great Hindu Epic, as below;
“Once the war confirmed between Pandavas and Gourawas. Both gathered armies and allies all around the surrounding countries. Most of the powerful allies, armies and great warriors took side of Gourawas such as Beeshmar, Karna and many more due to many rational reasons such as relatives, friends ……. . Gourawas path is Hate path. Pandavas path is Love Path; so Pandavas and his allies are not strong compare to Gourawas.
Their last choice was Krishna. Arjuna (Pandavas) and Thriyothana (Gourawas) went to meet Krishna while He sleeping; and they waited till Krishna got up.
Krishna didn’t defend both nor chose any side. He just gave them two choices
A. My Entire Armies. The most powerful armies
B. Only Me
Arjuna chose Krishna (The Almighty). Thriyothana chose His entire armies and very happy as he felt he won the war even before its happen.
Krishna asked Arjuna, “why you chose just me. You had choice to choose my entire Armies?”
Arjuna answered, “I believe that I’m great warrior, but only You can be my best chariot Driver”. Krishna just smiled and agreed.
The reason for His smile is; if Arjuna beg Him to destroy Thriyothana’s entire allies, Krishna alone can destroy them in a second. Coz He is Almighty. Arjuna believed that. Even though Thriyothana knows that; he satisfied and happy with Krishna’s offer.
Pandavas (Arjuna) won finally.
Let us perform our duties and beg Almighty be our driver, let him choose our path. It’s may up and down but believe that you have the best driver. He won’t let you be in “accident”. Coz He is the best driver who know all the paths and only He know where is our destination.
When I told this spontaneously to my daughter; its enlightened me.
“Stop ask anything from Almighty; let it be health, financial or any kind of material things. Just perform your duties in best way; and leave the destination to Almighty’s wish.
“I’m your best friend” – 9:18
” I don’t hate anyone nor defend anyone. If you Love me, I will be your best Friend. I will be in you and you will be in me” – 9:29
“4 types of people seeking Me; those in great pain, those who seek for financial support, those with all doubts and those who seek the most higher knowledge. 7:16
“But for those who in love with Me; I will be their best LOVER and they will be my best LOVER too” 7:17
“If you offer me a flower or a leave or a fruit or water; with LOVE, I’m accepting it” 9:26
Once I realized it, I thank my daughter. She asked why. I said “through your doubts Lord enlightened me today. And you made me to read again Bhagavat Geetha after 20 years.
And great thing is I stopped wished, pray him for my material needs. Decided let him be my chariot driver, my part is just do my duties as usual as old days.
Now, I accomplished one of my 2016 resolution. Will accomplish the remaining resolution soon if His wish so. Jai Ho. May the victory be mine and all of you too.
I got fever running like a fire
For you I will go all the way
I’m gonna take you higher
I’ll keep it steady, cause steady is how I do it
This beat it heavy, so heavy you’re gonna feel it
[Chorus: PCD (A. R.)]
You are the reason that I breath
You re the reason that I still believe
Your are my destiny
Jai ho! Oh, oh, oh, oh
No, there is nothing that can stop us
Nothing can ever come between us
So come and dance with me
Catch me, catch me, catch me
C’mon, catch me, I want you now
I know you can save me
You can save me, I need you now
I am yours forever, yes forever
I will follow
Anyway, and anywhere
Never gonna let go
Jai ho! Oh
You and me, its destiny (Let The Victory Be Yours)
The LOVE won’t stop towards the Greatest Lover
AR Rahman chose love path and spreading it to everyone through his music. May almighty blessing always be with him.
Song: Maahi Ve
Lyrics: Irshad Kamil
Sunshine raining on water..
It creates shadows, removes them,
[as if someone is playing, doodling and removing and creating more]
I call, and you come (for me), pacify me,
and every distance between us gets embarrassed
[as in, all these physical distances become meaningless.]
you’re with me, and so, the days and nights are there,
(that is what these) shadows tell me..
you’re with me, and so the days and nights are there,
every shadow (tells me), O beloved, O beloved..
In every thought/deed of mine, you’re with me,
O beloved, O beloved..
You’re all my situations
[that is, you’re the reason of all my situations, and you’re there in them all too. This is not explicitly said, but more of an implied meaning here.]
O beloved, O beloved..
you pester me, you cajole me, pester (again),
make me cry and make me laugh too.
O close one, every distance feels embarrassed
[in the same context as earlier, the distance is meaningless as despite the distance he finds his beloved close.]
You’re all my secrets, my tomorrow and today,
O beloved, O beloved..
You’re every flight of mine..
This living, or even not living,
both are related to you only.
It’s me only who is your address
there is no other way (to reach you)..
Whoever looks for you, should come to me only,
You speak in my silences,
This living, and not living too,whatever has happened has happened from you alone.