It is my guides for people like me who are fighter and always seeing things in different ways. It wont helped everyone because I know how the depressed people will be and how they behave.
Being a fighter doest mean we can avoid depression and pain in life. I like one of the dialogue from Netflix’s Arrow Session 3 Episode 3, which said “To be a warrior the first thing we should understand is pain is inevitable and suffering is optional”.
We all are warrior in this life and should hold a shield to protect our heart and mind from blow of criticism, judgmental, failure, unwanted circumstances and terrible life experience. My steps may help you. Its helping me. But I am not a doctor or researcher. So be careful in choosing your path.
My father was past away when I was 5 years old. All my relatives, my mom and sister cried worst and I was playing on the branch of guava tree. My aunty who searched for me, found me there and with shocked she asked me “Don’t you love your father? Don’t you feel to cry?” I answered her at that time. But I was remembered that answer after 30 years when I had chance to met her again.
My answer was “Father told me that a man won’t cry”. I never cried and I realised how badly it shaped me psychological over the years. My first cry was; as far as I remember; when I broke with my second lover.
I never had friends because after school, I usually go to work to support the financial need for my education and never ever shared any of my feelings to any of my friends and never attached to anyone. They called my behaviour as “Agilanism”. I decided everything my own and I did things my own. Some saw me as a leader; some adopted me as their role model. But no one know how fragile I was inside. Even I don’t realised it.
My mother worked day and night. She have never had time to show her love to us and she avoided it purposely for a single reason that “Kids grown without father will grow with no value for morality and discipline”. So my mother mean discipline master for me :-). I can understand how hard it was for her as well.
The child who grief inside for the love of parent grown into teen, young, adults; fall in love, broke, never attached in any relationship including friendship, failure in business, damaged financially, ashamed by friends and relatives, backstabbed by most those who I helped, cared and loved.
I never pay my respect to anyone’s funerals; never visited anyone while they admitted in hospital and I too never informed anyone when I was admitted few times in hospital. Like to travel alone, walk to long distance. Basically I always tried to isolate my self.
It pulled me down to great depression until I became a patient to a psychiatric. Of course that too I decided my own instead of open my heart to someone, comforting, supporting and motivating relationship; I search for psychiatric. The reason is my un-consulted and untreated depression made me more frequently fall in depressed moods, suicide thoughts and violent behaviours. And it grows like a dark forest inside me and later I hallucinate things. If you not treat it well sooner or later it will change your behaviour and character. You will loss your insight.
But I can make my self as happiest person in the world even a billionaire may not ;). I am still hold the kindness, love and care for others. The secret is I learn how to combat my depression/anxiety or bipolar disorder (as per my psychiatric) by my own. I learned that we are always have to fight it our own; alone and cannot expect a superhuman to save us from the flood of our depression.
My depression, feeling down, worthless feeling all just stayed for a day or 2 or maximum 3 every time. Yet, I can manage to meet my dateline for my works, continues my activity towards my dreams and goals. Actively attending business meetings, manage to convey people with my pioneering ideas, legally fighting for business, smartly putting my steps in new investment and business proposals.
Here is the secret, with hope it may help you too and I like to help people who are in the same situation and unnoticed by those surrounding you. I know how it feel when you totally down and I know what will happened if you let it grow inside you. Follow one step at once. If its not work for you, try other steps. Not all at once except the step No. 1; it is the core thing in our life we have to reach.
Here the list;
Try to figure out what or where you want to be in your life.
- Of course you cannot think of it while you are in depression. You have to do while you are out of that feeling. Allocate sometimes to think about what would be your dreams and goals.
- The essence and purpose in achieving your goals must be Happiness. So dream your happiness, think what will make you happy and plan what you need to do to get it.
- Our goals should not be always in money and fame. Mine are bigger like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, maybe thats why I depressed a lot. 🙂 Sometimes our dreams itself will make us clinically depressed. If so what point of having such goals. We know that many people who are fame and rich are committed suicide, died in drug overdose and some become more arrogant. So fame and money are not the foundation of the happiness; happiness should be.
- This should be your first step to prepare yourself before you face the disaster. This ambitious mind set is your life jacket. If you don’t have deep and strong desire on this you will be drown. Otherwise the rest of the steps Im going to explain wont help you.
Try to go outdoor.
- If you are in great depression for unknown reason or known reason, the important thing you have to do is try to go to park, to movie in theatre, for shopping or to Starbuck. Sit there for while, walk for a while, buy things you liked most (careful when buying things as you may spent unnecessarily a lot. It is one of the side effect of depression).
- Go for superhero’s, comedy, action and adventure movies or a brutal violent movie. If drama, please choose something like Secret life of Walter Mitty or Walk.
- Try to go for cycling. That would be the greatest thing instead of going for movie or a day out alone. Try to go for long cycling in nature surrounded area. Of course we cannot shut our mind on the things which disturbing us at that point of time. So you have to keep think on the 1st step over the time.
- If you decided to go for Starbuck (I dont like other coffee shop’s environment but you may find one), go with a magazine or a book. To choose the book or magazine, refer again the step No.1. And please dont order coffee. Caffeine will increase your depression and will maintained you in depressed situation for long time. My suggestion is Green Tea Latte.
Try to spend time with kids
- Spending time with kids means, in kid’s way. Not in teen or adults way. Don’t give orders and instructions to them. Play their games, agreed on whatever their requests are even if those are irritating and disgusting. Try to live in their world. Great thing about kids are they dont worry about tomorrow. Their only greediness is to enjoy maximum the present. You may become tired of course, we usually wont have the energy kids have because our hearts and mind are burdened and burning with 100 thoughts and feeling. If you dont have kids, spent time with friend’s kids or relative’s kids. If you don’t have tolerance with kid’s attitude, avoid this step.
Listen to Music
- Listen to music which comes to your mind at that point of time. It will be always related to the feeling you carry at that point of time. If you are in sad and want to listen to sad songs, go ahead. Don’t go against your mood.
- We are not here to fight with our moods, go along with the moods. Instead of swimming against the flow of the water, float on it. It wont drown you. People usually scared listening to sad songs will make you more sad, worries and depressed. Yes, it does. At one point of time, you will break into pieces and thats it. The basic thing here is you have to let it out.
- You may feel shame by sharing your feeling to someone. Or maybe we dont have someone. Or maybe someone already criticised you for your condition. So, listening to the song which sooth your moods and breaks you into pieces is better than sharing with someone.
- Sure you will be raise again after a while because you know the first step. The unwanted feeling may drown you for a while but music will raise you back from the deepest sorrow because you already decided your 1st step.
Try to talk to someone you think closer to you
- If necessary.
- Don’t assume everyone traveling the same boat with you. They may annoyed, may see you down, treat you down, may feel entertains with your problems or maybe they too in the same situation.
- The words comes from us at the point of depression time always wont focus in the actual problems. We will blabbering for sure. So it is hard for people to really understand our feeling.
- You may or already realised that no point at all in talking to others. Some even made the situation worst. So be careful on who you trust and who you choose.
- It is not waste of time actually. Instead of sharing your present states, please see other’s post. Don’t let the world how sad you are. No one care or bother at all and you main ruined you step.1
- Choose something that you are interested. You cannot choose at the time of your depressed feeling. You have to do it while you are normal. Here some of the interesting post which always change my moods, motivate me, entertained me;
- To choose it or like it wisely to help you in your down time; you have to refer back the 1st step.
- Follow some of your favorite serials. Mine is Daredevil and Arrow for the moment.
- It will take the whole day sometimes; like in Netflix, the complete season or more completed seasons will be available and all the episodes are always linked the previous episode. So you can’t missed any episode and can’t stop in middle. Thats why I said it may take your whole day.
- Movies and Serials now days are with great dialogues which can erase our pain, give more insight about life and sometimes gave different perception on the problem we are facing right now.
- We can say for definitely that movies and serial are another form of literature in current generation. It works for me maybe to you too.
- Other best series I loved most are X-files, Lucky Man, Vinyl, player and more. And realised that to can be an addiction to you, if you don’t prepared your self as in step 1.
- Sex will be another great relief while you are in depressed mode. But most of the medical related site mentioning that we may loss interest in sex. Its not true.
- If you have partner, be loyal. Puppy love or feeling for someone or one way love not comes under the roof of loyalty.
- It should be honest feel of love from both sides. If you don’t have one, hire call girls :-). Sorry I have no experience and knowledge in hiring call guys 🙂 So if you are girls, search through web, sms and fixed the rate and time. Get prepared yourself.
- Most important thing is try to spent few hours with them in chatting before you go to your bed, hall, table or sofa ;-).
- End of the day you have to come out from this shit kind of feeling, thats the point. You no need to be judgemental on this. Happiness is key point. They looking for money, you looking at a key or lock to get your self out from the present dark feeling.
- Shy, scare, guilty or have no money. Masturbate.
- Worried if other found it out? So what, are they are the one who suffering in depression. Understand one thing, you have no one to comfort you right now and you have to come out from it as soon as possible to focus on your above 1st step.
- Most importantly; have safe sex.
- Ha ha ha, it may sound contrary to the above point. Its not. Surrender to Him/Her/It/ fully. Believe the almighty will guide you to achieve the 1st step in righteous path.
- To get ride of any guilty feeling for the step no.8, you have to convince yourself that if the Almighty exist, He will guide you to right path sooner or later. Or maybe you will no more feel guilty or sinner if you going closer to achieve what you plan in step 1.
- I knew a friend who addicted to sex and he need it everyday. He depressed lot if he wont get it. He went to sexual experiences to overcome his depression but now, he fallen into it. To avoid such things happen to you, hold on spirituality.
- Sometimes we may questioned of the existent of Him and doubt about the words on the holy books. Nothing wrong on it. Doubt is the first to guide you to His path. Darkness will lead you to seek for lights.
- Do something you love most. Not movie. Hobby is a things you have to learn the skill and will grown your passion towards it. Some said meditation will be best thing for depression. If clinical depression, meaning if we are far beyond the normal depression, we cannot surrender ourself into meditation. For those, hobby can be your best meditation.
- For me is Fishing.
- Find a hobby which can relax your mind instead of stressing you a lot.
- Sometimes we maybe out of control. We may hurt ourself or maybe will hurt others or even will get suicidal thoughts.
- If you went into that stage please visit psychiatric. Of course it is little expensive. Try to get government support or someone who really care for you.
- Sometimes medication are the best thing. The reason is the depression maybe cause by our life experience and sometimes we may carry in our genes. It is called as a chemical imbalance in your brain. So the medication will make it balance and will raise us to chase for step 1.
- But it can’t be solved in a day. It may take months or years. Some side effects are there. And strictly follow the doctor’s instruction.
- Some side effects of the clinical depression medications are dizziness, insomnia and anxiety.
- Make sure you medication help you to get you to your 1st step otherwise speak to your doctor again.
- Weed is best medication for depression and anxiety. Its been legalised in many countries now days.
- But I too noticed some who became addicted to weed. Because they not prepared their self for step 1. They simply blame circumstances, others and their faith. I hope we are not in that category of people. We are hero and so we are invulnerable. 😉
- Don’t try it if you don’t have gut or without any experienced people with you. I tried in Varanasi, India and I though that was my last day of my life :).
- As I said we are invulnerable because we build strong foundation on the Step 1. The building may collapsed sometimes, that why we depressed more and more or maybe our depression cause the collapse. But we still can rebuild it again and again without tiredness if we build the foundation strong (at least in our mind).
- Some brain cannot tolerate to some drugs. So the best is go for step 11 first and if its failed then come to this step.
Keep some routine works on your normal days.
- Try to exercise at least 30 mins per day. If you did heavy workout, skip the following day for your to tissue to recover back. Depressed people will easily lost weight or gain weight and exercise can make them in shape and strong. Also exercise will produce more endorphin to our brain which can make our brain chemical in balance and happy mood.
- Start your every morning with some comedy quotes or videos. You can follow the step the 6. Like those finniest pages.
- Read something related to your Step 1 or Step 9. Spent at least 30 minutes or minimum 5 pages per day.
- And believe there is always people to love and care us back. Make sure they value, appreciate and support us for step 1. If you don’t have one; believe me, sooner you will find one.
(C) 2016 Agilan Lechaman