Thiruvannamalai; The Formless Love.

Miracles for believers. I believe in miracles that’s how I end up in Thiruvannamalai this time Jan 2018.

About a month ago I prayed for his mercy to be there, feel his love, to express my love unconditionally to the Lord Arunachala.

It’s all happened all the sudden when I was too broke and almost give up in life and my old schoolmate, Thanabalan met me, showered me with his love, and remind me about my spiritual path which I lost a long time back. He asked me to meditate. And I did. I reached a mental stage where all seems fine and wonderful. Confident and full of hope. I fixed a date a month before I do any preparation for Thiruvannamalai, which was in my vision all the sudden; wrote a poem which too becomes a reality. All was amassing, miracles. Thanabalan told me to meet a spiritual master Sundar Guruji in my visit this time. As per his advice, I watched some episodes of him in a Vendar TV program. I felt I need the guidance of Guru to my path. So, agreed with his suggestion.

First I landed in Chennai and the day after I reached Thiruvannamalai. My main purpose this time was I planned to reach the peak of Thiruvannamalai and find a cave there, stay a night and meditate. Kind of childish wish to find God in a night at the cave of Thiruvannamalai. But it led me to find other dimensions of the love I crave for, all the way till I reached Kuala Lumpur.

Once I reached Thiruvannamalai, checked in and came down for a smoke. Found a ‘fakir’ looked like a person, resampling Shirdi Sai. He asked for cigarettes in sign language. I gave him. He asked for a lighter. It’s bit different lighter where we can find only in Malaysia, I guess. I never found any in India, with blue light flame and small torchlight at the bottom. I gave him, he excited and jumping with happiness. I told him to keep it. He was so existing again and jumped few times shouting ‘for me, for me’. I liked watching him been so happy.

He called me to his campsite. I followed him. Once we reached the lightless area near the crematorium, he asked me you don’t feel scared following me? I said no. He surprised and told that many see him as a mentally ill person and always tease him, beat him; a guy broke his leg. But then he smiled and said 90% of people hate me and 10% loved me. That’s live. That’s reality. Why have to worry, actually we have to worry about that person who hurt me because he accumulating his Karma. We should pity him. Frankly, I thought he is crazy but his statement was a great shock.

Then we start to listen to some devotional song as he loves music very much. We listened to Ilaiyaraaja’s ‘Annamalai Ennai Thannal Azhaitathu’.

I heard some noises on the opposite and my attention turned towards it; he told let’s listen to our own rhythms and he pointed to my iPod. But I realized his word are philosophical. And when the noise went out of control I asked him why the ‘sannyasis’ are behaving like so cheap. He turned to my self with a serious look and said did you found who you are? I said no. ‘Then don’t judge others’. It’s all are dramas of Shiva. He playing his role through everyone. It was hard for me to understand… hmm actually partly understand and partly not and partly compromising, whatever.

He asked for money, I gave thousands. He was so happy. Then I went hotel took rest, woke up, breakfast and came for a smoke. Anyway, I’m a chain-smoker. I’m exposing most of me for you to understand that I’m not enlightened master or a complete spirituality person. I’m sharing what I experience the way I saw the thing with a hope it may somehow help someone who searches for something in his/her life… ha, simply I like to share it. That’s it.

When I out for a smoke I saw Shaji (his name), gave something to everyone. I noticed and went near and saw he gave every sannyasi money. I asked what you doing. He said he sharing what I gave to everyone. Now he left with no single cent.


Then I round The city with him in auto. He smiled, blessed, curse and then apologized, scold everyone he saw and sometimes went to absolute silence with closed eyes. I confused whether he is an enlightened person or crazy guy. The moment I doubted he opened his eyes smiled at me said you doubting me, I know everything, I know all around me. You doubting me. I replied with a smile.

He told me he wants to buy local alcohol drink in a slum nearby. I said I want to follow him. He reconfirmed saying its slum. I said I’m fine. Once we enter everyone surrounded him and welcome him. Not in a very respective way with a kind of love without showing any slavery sign. I hope you understand what I meant. Suddenly he entered a house and introduced a lady and said this she is a nice mother. A middle age girl with a baby in her hand. She asked him to give money to buy milk for the baby. He saw me and signed me to give her and I gave 100. Then we moved to a place where an old lady sold local alcohol which actually banned by the government of India. I too tried. Many just came and visited him. Like visiting long-lost relatives.


Then we moved from there to Shanthi Corner, a French customer’s favorite place with delicious dishes which said will help us relax. Vegan. The menu showed food for reducing tension, for good blood circles and kind of things. He again repeated his scolding acts over some people there and many felt uncomfortable mostly French tourists but the owner seems to show more respect to him and treated him with total love. I surprised and I asked him he looks like a mad person but the way you behave with him is different, how you see him or accept him. He said I don’t look into his behavior it is beyond reasons but I experienced his pure love, he is the form of love.

I went for the smoke because I feel strange and I felt I missing something here. He too came smiled and asked me why I’m showing too much of love on me, keep giving him money, spending my time with this crazy guy. Immediately heavy tears broke me for no reason. I thought at that moment that Arunachala came in his form because I prayed that I want to show my love to Him as I show to other human beings. For that moment I believed in it and I cry as I tried to control hardly but failed. Tears dropped from his eyes too and chanting Dharmam Karmam repeatedly. I don’t understand so I asked him. He said I asked you money every time and you gave. But in fact, I took all your Karma. Then he mentioned a word which shook me with more tears. Manickavasagar’s Sivapuranam phrase came to my mind.

He brought me to Ram Surath Kumar ashram and explained about other Gurus where all their photos were hanged in the wall. He said to be enlightened, first you have to be human, to be human you have to be always in love. As I read a somewhere which came into my attention at the right time that said he is not the message, he is the messenger. I accepted Shaji as he is. And beloved him as an enlightened person.The word enlighten came from his mouth as my main goal during this visit is to find how to get enlightened.

The next day morning I noticed he distributing hot porridge to everyone there which I bought from somewhere. He gave to lazy, ganja smokers almost to everyone. I asked an old lady is him always like that? She said ‘it’ always like that. With a lot of love. Thereafter he cleaned a Kali Temple nearby.

The second day afternoon I went to Arunachaleswar temple did my prayer and walked around the temple. Found a corner with signboard mention Holy Foot Dharsan. I went there to just look what it is. By the way, since I reached Thiruvannamalai I was looking for a guide to bring me to any cave as it is the restricted path. My friends promised but for some reason, he couldn’t arrange the guide.

I found a sannyasi meditate near the place. I sat for a moment and watched him and when he opened his eye. I asked him how to go to the caves. He said there are a path and someone who have permission to enter those areas can bring me. I asked him whether he can bring me. He replied tomorrow 9 am meet at same place bring ghee for the lamp, food, and water as we will come down the next day. I was too excited with a hope that I’m going to get some mystic experience by mediating in the cave in the hills of the sacred place of Shiva.

The next day I don’t know what to buy for food so I bought some mixed nuts, bananas, and apples, two 1 liter bottle of water. Wore a tourist kurta bought from a Rajasthani shop. He asked me to remove my slippers. The hassle started there as the path was planted with sharp stones everywhere and make my journey most difficult further with surrounded thorn plants tore my shirt and pants and scratches all over my body. I almost gave up saying oh god I cannot make it any further. He noticed and let me rest in huge stone. I took my cigarette and asked his permission. He asked me to promise something to him. I happily agreed as I thought he might go to ask for some help and I’m willingly agreed without knowing it. He said to quit smoking from this moment. Shocked. Never expected this. I said it might be difficult as I tried many times before and I failed. He asked all my cigarettes pack which are 3 packs of Dunhill worth RM 17 per pack and he throw all too far. My heart broken into pieces. He told me the body is an instrument to reached god and I’m destroying it. I told him some Sadhu’s and Siddhas smoking. He said you are not them. Fire can’t burn fire but it will burn you, he said. I asked him how if I seriously can’t control it. He told me to think of him. I asked again is there any mantra? My name is the the the the the mantra, Shiva Sakti Vel. Your name is Mantra, Agilan. There is no greater mantra than our names. He replied. But my mind still surrounded with shocking clouds. I asked again how if I broke my promise, will you curse me. He said all promises are made to Mother Nature, not to a person. If you break means you break the promise with Mother Nature. Nature is the god. Sun is Shiva, Water is Sakti, Air is Vishnu. Pray nature, not God. The more you respect, show your gratitude it will help you more.


Then we continue our journey with heavy heart, actually me. All the way he gave me some leaves to smell and some fruits to eat and explaining the medical benefits of it. We reached the cave about 4 hours later, I guess or maybe lesser. We rest in the cave with just grass beneath. He explaining to me how to meditate and I was listening in half sleep and slept totally thereafter. Nothing in memory about those part. Once I got up he brought me to a small peak which is again harder to climb. Drink and cleaned my body on the small mountain pool water. I felt like I stepped on Shiva’s body, drink his body, slept over his body; a kind of intimate feeling. I fell I’m blessed.

Food was not enough but I managed however I became mad without cigarettes. I walked around most of the time because of the tension. At night he explained some previous Siddhas who lived there long before him and told his own story. He left home at the age of 10and now he is 50 still living in various caves and found himself as the god. And referring my self too as the god. Everything is god nothing else. We are blurred with our own vision.

The next day I felt like came out of worst training camp and went hotel with him, took bath not with him, had breakfast together and left for the bus station. Gave him some money, first he refused and I told him to buy wick for lump, ghee and fruits for monkeys at the hills as I noticed he loved them and gave whatever we ate, then he accepted it.

I tried to find Shaji and heard that he was admitted in hospital as someone beat him badly. I flashed back the dharma karma phrase. I didn’t visit him as they told the hospital is very far from there as I too have to reach Chennai on time as I have met with Sundar Guruji as I fixed an appointment with him before leaving to Thiruvannamalai.

I took the bus and Shiva Sakti Vel took leave after following me almost 30 min till bus stand. Once he left, I came out from bus searched for shop bought a cigarette asked sorry to Shiva Sakti Vel in my mind and lighted. Wow, the heaven is still here.

I reached Chennai. As usual with my auto friend Baba Sham, went for outing and movies, the appointment was at 7 pm near Maruntheeswar Temple. I went there waited for him till 8 pm. Called his assistant Sudharsan he said on the way and asked me to visit Marunteeswar Temple and then Life Tomb of Gurulinga Swamy. Life Tomb? Google for Siddha’s Jeeva Samadhi. I meditate there. I felt different compared to my meditation practice at home. All the noise surrounded the busy area are disappearing. Sorry, I don’t like to share further on that. I’m not ready, I guess.

Sundar Guruji came, blessed me and ask my purpose of visiting him. I told him that I want enlightenment. Till now I didn’t give up my wish even after failed to keep my promise to Siva Sakti Vel. Guruji looked at me too deep and looked at his assistant Sudharsan a young humble and friendly soul. They smiled. Guruji told me people came to me for health, wealth and all other material things. You are looking for enlightenment. I don’t have the answer at that time.

He instructed Sudharsan to blessed me with ‘Deekshai’. He taught me how to meditate properly and while I meditate I felt he did something on my forehead which I taught some gimmicks but thereafter my meditation experience went wonderful and I felt bliss, refreshed and euphoria. Again I felt so stress with all these love as they don’t know me, getting anything from me even a single cent and even I’m not a someone for him to allocate his precious time. I am very thankful to almighty for his incomparable love.

I was sat in front of him for few minutes in silence and with smiling Buddha face. I told him that I want to go into deep in spirituality but I cannot control my desires like smoking cigarettes, weeds, meat-eating and sex. I tried to control too hard but I can’t. Don’t control anything, let it be. Whenever you control too hard the force will be doubled. Keep mediate and slowly you will leave everything. That’s the power of meditation. He replied. It was a big relief for me.

The next day I went to many Samadhis mentioned by Sudharsan. This is my most intimated love story. A story of unconditional love. Divine love.

This is real. Experience it. Don’t doubt. Don’t question it. – Shaji.


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